We all have a someone we fucking don’t want to let go.
When I was 14 my mum told me never to fall in love with a boy older than me, naively I asked why.
Her reply told me that older boys know how to fucking break your heart into a million pieces and not give one fuck.
While you’re falling for him he’ll know how to worm his way into your heart and then say goodbye. That simple goodbye bursts the fucking seams of your heart until it cracks spilling across the bathroom floor as blood from your limp wrists.
The phone will ring a couple of hours after he leaves and you’ll willingly answer it knowing in your heart that it will be him but it’s not, it’s a tv sales woman trying to sell you something that you don’t want and don’t need. You hang up as fast as you can because you’ll be scared that she will hear your breathing speed up and you’ll be scared she can hear your heart breaking again.
When you call him at 3am on Sunday morning with the slurring of your voice from the vodka bottle you’ve diminished and tell him you love him he’ll hang up. You will get the next liquor bottle from the cabinet that’s strong enough to help you forget, this time you drink straight from the bottle laid on the floor of your apartment. The next time you’ll ring it’ll go straight to voicemail, he’s blocked your number, you’ll throw your phone at the wall.
The week after on the way to the liquor store, you’ll see him, tighly knit with some other girl, younger than yourself. You’ll start running to the store then, buying bottle after bottle until you can’t feel the pain anymore, until you can’t feel your heart breaking, until you don’t miss him anymore. But after 3 bottles of vodka, you should be dead, you shouldn’t even know his name but in fact it’s the only word you can say.
My mum told me that’s the feeling my dad gave her when he left when I was 5.
A year ago we stayed up till 3 am talking
And today I don’t know how to even say hey
I asked you to tell me about her and you asked me what I wanted to know and that’s when I knew you didn’t really love her. Because if you loved her then you would’ve told me about how her eyes light up when she laughs and she bites her lip when she’s sad. You would’ve told me about the way her teeth remind you of those glow-in-the-dark stars you stuck on your ceiling when you were little and the way her voice wraps around your bones and keeps you from shaking. You would’ve told me about the tips of her fingers and the way sunshine pours from her mouth. You would’ve told me about how she even looks pretty when she cries and the way she hides behind her hair. You would’ve told me about the way you want to live inside her ribcage and fall asleep in the crook of her neck. You would’ve told me that she tastes like the entire galaxy and she speaks in poetry. You would’ve told me that the sound of her breath while she sleeps is your new favorite song. You would’ve told me about how she’s in your blood and the way she’s got so much love in her veins that if you cut her open, you swear flowers would grow from inside of her. You would’ve told me about the way you love her, like I love you.
I heard you got a new girlfriend (via extrasad)
This doesn’t match my blog at all but I couldn’t not reblog, it’s so beautiful that people think this way. I can’t wait to fall in love and stay there forever